Escape
by spartiechic
Summary: A one-shot based off the 70s hit Escape  The Pina Colada Song .


**A/N**:I know what you all are thinking. Why am I writing this one-shot when I should be updating my works in progress. It's simple, really. On the way to work, I heard _Escape (The Pina Colada Song) _and this just came to me. I couldn't help myself and just began writing furiously at lunch. All the personal ads in this story, except the one about Pina Colada (of course), come from actual papers. I didn't make any of them up. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Labyrinth or Escape. I hope you like it anyway.

* * *

Jareth sat on his throne and stared at the image in his crystal. For four years, he'd been looking at the same face. Though it had changed some through the years, it was still the most beautiful face he'd ever seen. Older now, the face had lost its baby fat and took on a much more sculpted look. The same sparkling green eyes looked out through sooty lashes. Pale, perfect, porcelain skin adorned her lovely face. The only hint of color, a dusty rose, fell across her cheeks in an enticing blush. Peach colored, oh so kissable lips, were pulled up into a Mona Lisa smile. How he longed to press his lips to hers and to taste the subtle flavors within.

"Are you still mooning over that Mortal girl?" came a voice from his Throne Room, breaking through his obsession.

"Ah, Conall, so nice of you to drop by," Jareth sighed. He looked up from the crystalline image of his beloved Sarah to see his brother standing before him.

"Jareth, you've got to move on," Conall advised. Jareth rolled his eyes and groaned. It was the same old thing. Every time his brother decided to visit, he would try to run his life. Jareth vaguely wondered if all older brothers were like that or if he was just lucky.

"And I should be taking romantic advice from you, why?" Jareth retorted.

Conall had been married twice in his long life and was working on wife number three at the moment. Jareth stopped counting the numerous affairs that had been linked to the High Prince. It wasn't as if Jareth never had relationships, but he hadn't ever been in love and didn't pretend to be. His brother, on the other hand, claimed to love every woman he bedded and jumped into relationships at the drop of a hat. Now that Jareth found Sarah, he doubted he could ever fall in love with another. Even through her rejection, he still loved her and wanted her by his side. He couldn't explain that to Conall, for he doubted that his brother would have the capability to understand.

"Live a little, Jareth," Conall counseled. "You've been holed up with these Goblins too long. When was the last time you were at court?"

"Whose fault is it that I ended up the Goblin King, hmmm?" Jareth argued.

"Must you always bring that up?" Conall replied.

"You had to go and bed the daughter of the Troll King," Jareth accused. "If her father hadn't forced you to marry her, you'd be on this Throne now."

"Quit complaining, little brother," Conall scoffed. "You know I didn't have any choice in the matter."

"Ha!" Jareth laughed sarcastically. "I know; I know. You _loved_ the girl."

"I did love her," Conall replied.

"Until you met Bridget," Jareth reminded him. "I still can't believe the scandal you caused when you divorced Erinne. Her father damn near had you killed. You're lucky father was able to appease him by giving him another territory."

"I'm not here to rehash ancient history," Conall replied. "I'm here to help you get over that Mortal wench. You're young, little brother. You should be dipping your wick into many wells, not sitting here pining for some woman."

"So you say," Jareth said, frowning. "What would you have me do?"

"You need to get out more," Conall suggested. "Meet new people. Since you're so fond of Mortals, why not bed one of them? Get you back into the swing of things."

"Some of us have standards," Jareth snapped. He jumped off his throne and stalked away from his meddlesome older brother.

Conall watched him go and began to hatch a plan to force his brother back into the romantic fray. The High Prince was no stranger to the lives of Mortals. He'd bedded enough in his day. Conall smiled to himself, thinking about the luscious females with whom he'd been acquainted. There was no way he'd be able to get Jareth Above to meet someone new. Hell, it was hard enough to get him to court to meet one of the beautiful courtiers there. If he was going to get Jareth in some Mortal's bed, he was going to have to set everything up for him. Now, how was he going to find the perfect woman for the Goblin King?

A wide grin adorned his features as he formed the greatest plan to find a woman to warm the sheets with Jareth. Conall enjoyed many of the customs Above, but dismissed them all as quaint. One of the most bizarre notions was the idea of meeting strangers through print media. Conall never needed such help, but it may just be the ticket to helping his brother through this crisis.

Conall flicked his wrist and a newspaper appeared at his fingertips. He quickly scanned the title and then flipped through until he found them. The personals column of the _Boston Herald _was filled with men seeking women, women seeking men, and just about everything in between. Perusing through these, he decided he needed to create one for his brother. He conjured up a paper and pen and began to write. After trying a few times, frustration began to get the better of him. How hard could this be? Maybe he should figure out what Jareth liked and put that in the ad. If the person answering liked the same things, then he'd set up a date. Jareth couldn't refuse if he had a girl all lined up for him.

"You," he barked, pointing at the Goblins littering the floor of the Throne Room. The Goblins stopped their chatter and turned towards Conall. "What does your King like to do?" Blank stares greeted him. "You know…for fun?"

"Kingy like fruity drinks," said one.

"Kingy like books," replied another.

"Kingy like rain," suggested a third.

Conall began writing furiously as the ad began to take place in his mind. This was going to be great! He'd help Jareth get over that Mortal girl. Maybe he'd even get the chance to bed one of the rejects. He finished the ad with a flourish and sent it in to the paper via magic. Now, all he needed to do was sit back and wait for the right reply.

* * *

Sarah and Becky were sitting in their dorm room, studying for the upcoming finals. Actually, Sarah was studying. Becky was trying to decide on an outfit for her date that evening while staring at her chemistry book. The sounds of Janet Jackson wafted through the open window from one of the rooms down the hall. It was hard to concentrate when the sun was streaming in and the smell of spring was in the air. Becky gave up the pretense of studying and walked over to the window to look out at the courtyard below.

"Hey Sar?" Becky asked, ogling one of the hot guys playing Frisbee on the lawn.

"Hmmm?" Sarah replied absently.

"You work too hard," Becky observed.

"Huh?" Sarah said, pulling herself from her textbook to look at her roommate.

"See what I mean?" Becky replied. "You work too hard. You're young and beautiful. You should be out there, checking out the eye candy, not in here studying for some test you know you're going to ace anyway."

"You mean, I should be more like you," Sarah retorted. "Becky, you haven't gone out with the same guy for two months in a row."

"And you haven't been out with a guy since Josh," Becky argued. "You need to live a little. The semester is almost over and it's a gorgeous day. Have some fun."

"I have finals and then I get to start working," Sarah replied. "Some of us have to pay for college. I have to find a room to rent for the summer. It's not all fun and games for me."

"You're working at O'Malley's again?" Becky asked, frowning.

"Yep," Sarah replied. "Mr. O'Malley is letting me work full-time this summer so that I can take summer classes. I plan to be done with my degree by the end of next year. Then I can have fun."

"I can't believe you're not going home," Becky sighed. "You deserve some time off for good behavior."

"Dad and Karen are taking Toby with them on vacation," Sarah explained. "There won't be anyone at home."

"I can't believe they're going to Europe without you this summer," Becky complained. "At least then, you'd meet some European guys."

"They asked me, but I didn't want to spend my summer trying to get along with Karen," Sarah said. "You know that she and I have a tentative truce in place. We get along better when we're apart."

"You know what you need?" Becky asked.

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me," Sarah replied.

"You need a summer romance," Becky continued, unfazed.

"Bah," Sarah scoffed, dismissing her friend's suggestion.

"I'm serious," Becky argued. "Here, look at all of these available men just waiting to meet a hot, young, thing like you." She thrust a copy of the _Boston Herald_ into the face of the brunette. Sarah took it and rolled her eyes.

"The personals?" Sarah sighed. "Don't you think this thing reeks of desperation?"

"Not at all," Becky replied.

"Listen to this one," Sarah said, laughing. "Abstracted male seeks companion for both sexy and non-sexy times: intelligent, unsophisticated, make-up free and slim (reasonably). Any nationality, good/native English. I'm tall, thin, youthful, and well-endowed; a philosopher type, 70% reclusive/30% amazing dancer. Have no problems finding friends or lovers, but keep dreaming of a magnificent combination."

"He's perfect for you!" Becky joked. The two women laughed and Sarah continued reading.

"How about this one?" Sarah asked. "PIG – I saw you at Tiki Bobs. You grabbed my butt and I told you if you did that again I'd kill you. You did. I need your address now."

"Tiki Bobs. Isn't that the bar over on Main?" Becky replied.

"I think so," Sarah said, shaking her head.

"What about that one?" Becky asked, pointing to one of the larger ads.

_If you like Pina Coladas  
And getting caught in the rain  
If you're not into yoga  
If you have half a brain  
If you'd like making love at midnight  
In the dunes on the Cape  
Then I'm the love that you've looked for  
Write to me and escape.  
_

"Oh nice, it even rhymes," Sarah quipped.

"It shows a creative spirit," Becky replied. "At least it doesn't sound creepy. You should write to him."

"If you like him so much, you should write to him," Sarah argued.

"Come on Sarah," Becky whined. "Do it for me? I'll pay for the reply." She gave her the sad puppy eyes, knowing that Sarah was a sucker for them.

"Fine!" Sarah cried. "If it'll get you off my back, I'll do it. He probably won't even respond, you know."

Sarah ripped a piece of paper from her notebook and began writing. Becky watched as Sarah glanced back and forth between the ad and her reply. After she was finished, she handed it to her roommate for her opinion. Becky read it and smiled brightly, pronouncing it perfect. Grabbing an envelope, she threw it in and took off for the paper's office before Sarah could change her mind. Becky would hook her friend up if it were the last thing she did.

* * *

Conall sifted through the replies to his ad, looking for the perfect response. He'd been a little surprised at how many he received. In front of him sat three separate piles. The first were complete wackos and were ready to be recycled. The second were possible woman – for him. Finally, the third were possible women for Jareth. That pile was, by far, the smallest and saddest of all three of them. He'd only found two possibilities for Jareth and neither would be convincing enough to actually get Jareth to go meet them. He was coming down to the last envelope. Quickly opening it, he laughed out loud. This girl was perfect for his brother.

_Yes I like Pina Coladas  
And getting caught in the rain  
I'm not much into health food  
I am into champagne  
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon  
And cut through all this red-tape  
At a bar called O'Malley's  
Where we'll plan our escape.  
_

Using his magic, he followed the source of this letter. It appeared to be a large college dormitory. A face emerged in the crystal and he found himself smiling again. She was an exquisite creature and he had to remind himself that he chose her for his brother. Her dark hair and green eyes were such a rarity in the Underground. Too many Fae women were fair-haired and blue-eyed. This girl was just the sort of distraction Jareth needed to get over his broken heart. He'd forget that other Mortal soon enough after he bedded this one.

"What in the hell is all this?" Jareth asked, pointing at the letters.

"Good news, my brother!" Conall exclaimed. "I have found you a replacement for the Mortal you're so fond of."

"What are you talking about?" Jareth growled.

"I put a personal ad in one of those newspapers Above," Conall explained, undisturbed by Jareth's temper. "These are all the replies."

"You did what?" Jareth bellowed, turning an even more impressive shade of red.

"I put in a personal ad," Conall repeated, handing him a copy of the advertisement. Jareth read it quickly and began to pace back and forth. "Before you fly off the handle, read this reply I received." Jareth tore the letter from his brother's hand and read through it. He stopped pacing to glare at his brother.

"I am not going to any bar called O'Malley's," Jareth vowed.

"Come on Jareth," Conall begged. "She's perfect for you. Not only does she like the same things you do, but she's gorgeous."

"How do you know?" Jareth asked, suspicious.

"I followed the path of this letter," Conall explained. Jareth sighed heavily and re-read the letter. The girl who wrote this sounded nice and he couldn't just let her sit alone at that bar. Conall could see his brother beginning to waver and suppressed a smile of victory. One more nudge would be all it took. "I'll go with you. If you decide not to talk to her, I'll do it. Though, as soon as you get a look at the girl, you'll be all over her."

"Fine," Jareth replied, dejected.

* * *

"Aren't you supposed to be leaving?" asked Becky.

"Where?" Sarah replied absently. Her head was stuck in her book as she was studying for her last final.

"O'Malleys, duh," Becky reminded her, rolling her eyes. "Didn't you say you'd meet that guy at noon?"

"Huh?" Sarah asked, looking up at her friend. "Oh, yeah. He's probably not going to be there anyways."

"Come on, Sar!" Becky cried. "What if he shows up and you aren't there. That wouldn't be very nice."

"I guess you're right," Sarah admitted.

"I'll go with you," Becky suggested. "If you decide you don't like the guy, you can always let me have him."

"Fine," Sarah sighed. "At least I can talk to Mr. O'Malley about my schedule this summer."

"That's the spirit," cheered Becky. "Let's go."

Becky grabbed Sarah's hand and pulled her out of her desk chair. Yanking the textbook from her hand, she threw it on the floor next to the desk. Sarah watched it land with a thud and sighed again. She wished she'd never replied to that stupid ad. Running a comb through her hair, she glanced at herself in the mirror. This was the best that guy was going to get. If he didn't like it, Sarah could tell him where to put his opinion. With her luck, he'd probably end up falling for her pretty blond roommate. Sarah grabbed her purse and headed out the door after Becky.

* * *

Jareth and Conall sat in a corner booth waiting for the girl. Jareth's back was to the door and Conall was watching for her arrival. They were the only ones in the bar at this time of day. Jareth looked down at his apparel once more and nervously picked at his shirt. He wasn't used to wearing denim and button-up shirts. The zipper pressed into his crotch, uncomfortably. He wished he'd never agreed to come here. His hair felt strange on his head and he regretted having Conall talk him into this Mortal style. Short hair did not agree with him.

Jareth knew the instant the girl arrived by the smile on his brother's face. He braced himself for her appearance. He could hear the girl walking towards the table and he looked at the wall, not ready to see her just yet.

"You must be Mr. Pina Colada," said a very familiar voice. Jareth's ears perked at the melodic female tones. It couldn't be her.

"Actually, that would be my brother," Conall replied, gesturing to the blond sitting across from him. Sarah turned to look at him. Slowly, the man turned to face her.

"Jareth?" Sarah gasped.

"Sarah?" Jareth replied, surprised.

"You two know each other?" asked Becky.

"Wait!" exclaimed Conall. "_This_ is Sarah?"

The two in question were too busy staring at each other to respond. Even if they wanted to reply, they were too stunned. Sarah hadn't seen Jareth since he returned her to the Above after she ran his Labyrinth. She'd often thought about him and wished she could see him one more time. He was her basis of comparison for every relationship she had. Even in Mortal clothes and with short hair, he was still the most beautiful man she'd ever met.

"One of you want to tell me what's going on here?" Becky asked, confused.

"Here, slide in and I'll explain," Conall replied, getting out of the booth to give her room to sit down. Becky shrugged and slid into the booth. Conall sat back down and looked at the couple, amused.

"I'm Conall," he introduced himself. "This is my brother Jareth."

"I'm Becky. Pleased to meet you," Becky replied. "Now what's this all about?"

"Your friend met my brother when she ran his Labyrinth," Conall explained.

"His Labyrinth?" Becky asked. "You're not trying to tell me that Sarah's story was true. There are no such things as Goblins or a Goblin King."

"Says you," Conall replied flippantly. With a flick of his wrist, he created a crystal. He began rolling it across his arms. "There's no such thing as magic, either, yet you just saw a mere taste of it."

"How'd you do that?" Becky asked.

"Magic," Conall replied. He let her take the crystal and she felt the weight of it in her hand. "Now think of something small and it'll appear before you." Becky thought of a sterling silver bracelet she'd been wanting for some time now. Before her eyes, the crystal disappeared and the bracelet fell into her hands.

"That's so cool!" she cried. After putting it on her wrist, she thought back to what he had told her. "So, this is the Goblin King."

"Yes," Conall affirmed. "It appears they need our help." He began snapping his fingers in front of Jareth's face. His brother turned to him, irritated.

"What?" he hissed.

"Are you going to let the Lady sit down or are you going to stare at her all day?" he asked. Jareth shook his head and looked back at his beloved.

"Would you care to sit with us?" he asked, standing. Sarah, still too stunned to speak, slid into the booth across from Becky. Jareth sat back down next to her, reveling in the close proximity. The smell of his Champion was almost intoxicating.

"What are you doing here?" Sarah asked, coming out of her stupor.

"I'm here in response to your reply to my ad in the paper," Jareth explained. "You did write that most amusing reply, didn't you?"

"You posted that?" Sarah asked.

"My brother posted it on my behalf," Jareth replied. "He's a bit of a meddler." Conall shot him a dirty look, which was promptly ignored by Jareth.

"I didn't know you liked Pina Coladas or getting caught in the rain," Sarah said, smiling.

"There are a great many things about me that you don't know," said Jareth, staring into her bewitching eyes. "I like the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne. If you'd like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape…"

"I'm the lady you've looked for," Sarah replied, blushing. Jareth stood and held out his hand to the brunette beauty.

"Come with me and escape," Jareth offered.

Sarah placed her hand in his, marveling at the smooth , soft skin he kept hidden beneath his gloves. With quick goodbyes to Becky and Conall, Jareth transported them both to his castle. Becky and Conall looked at each other in amusement.

"I knew it would work!" they both exclaimed at the same time.


End file.
